Children biting - Parent Easy Guide

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Biting is a normal phase of many young children’s development. It can hurt and cause distress for whoever is bitten but there are not usually any health risks. It can also upset or frighten the child who bites if they have hurt someone.

There are a number of reasons why children bite, including to express big feelings. Children need to feel loved and secure and know that feelings can be managed. Parents can play a positive role in supporting them to learn this skill.

What causes biting?

Exploration

Biting is one way babies explore their environment - they put things in their mouth and biting is a part of this. It can also be an attempt to communicate until they are able to express their feelings in words. Many babies will try biting the breast when feeding, or a parent or carer. It can seem like a game to them, especially if they get a big reaction.

It helps to not let children think it is funny or a game. Say calmly and firmly ‘No! Biting hurts.’ Remove them quickly from the breast or whatever they are biting. Babies and toddlers usually soon learn not to bite. When children are teething their gums often feel sore - give them things they can safely bite on, eg teething rings.

Frustration

Frustration occurs when children are in situations they can’t deal with. Children under 3 years are usually not ready to play cooperatively with other children. If another child takes their toy they may respond by hitting or biting. They have not yet learned to control their impulses or other ways to deal with frustration. Feelings are very hard for young children to control and it takes a long time to learn.

In can help to:

supervise children closely. Observe how they are coping and provide support if needed
keep group play to short times and small groups. Watch for times when two children might want the same toy and step in to distract them
redirect young children away from the situation rather than try to explain your reasons. They need you to understand their feelings and your help to manage them. You could say ‘You’re mad that …. It’s OK to be mad but it’s not OK to bite. How about I help you. We could take turns!’

Biting is common in young children and usually stops when they learn other ways to express themselves. While it’s important to actively discourage biting, punishment or withdrawing affection does not help them learn self-control and can harm your relationship.

Being the youngest child

Sometimes it is the youngest child in the family who bites. The older children can seem stronger, better at talking and more able to get what they want. In group play, a younger child may see biting as a way to feel more equal. It can help to:

explain to older children how the younger one might feel. Get their help to make them feel more equal and ensure each child’s needs are met
make separate play places to suit the interests of older and younger children if needed
acknowledge how a child who has already bitten might be feeling, eg angry, frustrated. Tell them it’s OK to feel like that but biting hurts and is not OK. Keep them with you for a while and show other ways to respond, eg asking for a turn or an adult’s help, having some quiet time.

Emotional stress

Biting often occurs when a child is under emotional stress. They may be very upset or angry and show their distress by biting. Young children don’t know what they are feeling - they just act! It can help to:

try and find out what is causing the stress. It isn’t always possible to remove the cause but you might be able to lower the stress. Plan ahead to avoid situations where your child might bite, eg when they are hungry, tired, bored, overstimulated or have no control over their environment. Routinely offer as much love and affection as you can to help them feel secure
reduce the buildup of tension in their bodies, eg support them to have a good cry when they need to, find ways to get them laughing or moving, provide soothing activities. Consistent routines help too
notice what happens just before any biting occurs. If a child bites when another child comes too close or takes their toy, help them protect their space. If they have enough words you might teach them to hold out their arms and say ‘Please move away’. Or you could ask your child ‘What can we do to stop Anna taking your toy? What other toy could you give her to play with?’
ask other parents/caregivers to support you in preventing your child from biting. Ask that they be firm but matter of fact, eg ‘No, we don’t bite. Biting hurts’
teach children other ways to express their feelings, eg through play and stories. Encourage positive behaviour, eg ‘I really like the way you used your words to tell your sister you’re still playing with that toy’
take regular time to play and have fun together – let them choose the activities and follow their lead. This strengthens your connection and helps children feel loved, safe and secure. They are less likely to bite to get your attention.

Never bite back. This really scares a child and teaches the very thing you don’t want them to learn.

The child who is bitten

When a child is bitten parents can sometimes have a strong reaction. It is important to comfort the child but not to overreact. Encourage their quick return to play. If they are old enough, help them find ways to protect themselves that don’t hurt the child who has bitten. If they are too young to protect themselves adults need to make sure they are kept safe.

Sometimes parents may be concerned that biting could transfer a disease. While a bite can leave a bruise, the skin is not usually broken so viruses or bacteria can’t enter the child’s body.

If a child is bitten at childcare an upset parent may expect the child who has bitten to be excluded. While this is understandable, it is more helpful in the long term if the centre provides specific support for the child who has bitten and makes sure other children are protected.

Whatever the cause of the biting respond quickly and firmly, without anger or overreacting. Remove the child from the situation. If they are upset or distressed comfort and help them calm before helping them learn other ways to express their feelings.

It’s important to look after yourself too. If you are bitten acknowledge how you feel and find ways to soothe yourself. If your child bites, remember it is very common and you are not alone - it may help to speak with other parents.

Talk to your GP or visit your local Child and Family Health Service (CaFHS) if: